i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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