Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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