you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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