I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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