Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a search helicopter?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE