dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
