Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...

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  (412): And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas... http://tfl.nu/n2co
  Replies (1) Good night (958) Bad night (1161)
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  (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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  (209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans. http://tfl.nu/8x3v
  Replies (8) Good night (832) Bad night (1330)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!

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  (502): WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?! http://tfl.nu/ajcv
  Replies (16) Good night (1350) Bad night (4886)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years

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  (303): Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years http://tfl.nu/kvc8
  Replies (6) Good night (743) Bad night (2586)
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  (518): View more from New York

  What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.

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  (518): What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store. http://tfl.nu/xk1d
  Replies (2) Good night (2434) Bad night (679)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night

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  (202): i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night http://tfl.nu/pk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4838) Bad night (795)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???

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  (616): So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo??? http://tfl.nu/k6yj
  Replies (22) Good night (1189) Bad night (5082)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe

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  (203): he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe http://tfl.nu/fzk2
  Replies (10) Good night (1286) Bad night (4193)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

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  (207): her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did http://tfl.nu/hfoj
  Replies (21) Good night (5386) Bad night (2242)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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  (519): He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka. http://tfl.nu/8f21
  Replies (13) Good night (2630) Bad night (897)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.

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  (202): there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/ma3l
  Replies (5) Good night (2100) Bad night (822)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.

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  (412): He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent. http://tfl.nu/lgq0
  Replies (7) Good night (1498) Bad night (506)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  is that what this stuff is?

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  (810): if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you. (616): is that what this stuff is? http://tfl.nu/just
  Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (496)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?

  (1-289): View more from Ontario

  When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.

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  (289): Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this? (1-289): When she went in the beer store I got to hold it. http://tfl.nu/fggc
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (174)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.

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  (216): I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen. http://tfl.nu/tj0a
  Replies (1) Good night (243) Bad night (120)

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