I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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