I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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