My room smells like vodka and shame
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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