I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
