Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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