remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
