The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
operation have a gay friend backfired
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
