Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
