I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
