Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
