An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
