oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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