I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
