happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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