My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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