youre lurking in front of me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
