Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
