Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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