I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
