He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
