I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
