They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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