I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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