I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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