I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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