Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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