I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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