you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
