My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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