Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
