i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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