Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
