What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
