I want to walk on stilts...naked
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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