Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have surprise drugs for everyone
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
