the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
zippers are such a cool invention
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
