Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
