Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
