So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
