Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
