i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
