I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.