First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
