My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
