She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP