You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.