Texts From Last Night

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  (+61): View more from Australia

  This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade

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  (+61): This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade http://tfl.nu/eefh
  Replies (14) Good night (6568) Bad night (794)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?

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  (919): Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously? http://tfl.nu/b5p0
  Replies (71) Good night (2161) Bad night (6703)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

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  (651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish. http://tfl.nu/pnvl
  Replies (3) Good night (3895) Bad night (1027)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level

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  (908): I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level http://tfl.nu/uegr
  Replies (11) Good night (5546) Bad night (1455)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.

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  (706): He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories. http://tfl.nu/ce15
  Replies (15) Good night (2230) Bad night (648)
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  (716): View more from New York

  and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt

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  (716): and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt http://tfl.nu/qzo4
  Replies (12) Good night (741) Bad night (1403)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.

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  (904): She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes. http://tfl.nu/nuhm
  Replies (2) Good night (936) Bad night (582)
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  (227): View more from Maryland

  I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.

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  (227): I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are. http://tfl.nu/7vs1
  Replies (4) Good night (1585) Bad night (572)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.

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  (216): I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot. http://tfl.nu/mi2o
  Replies (3) Good night (1077) Bad night (599)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.

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  (506): I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow. http://tfl.nu/72sd
  Replies (3) Good night (526) Bad night (922)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.

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  (801): She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime. http://tfl.nu/hokk
  Replies (1) Good night (1007) Bad night (434)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?

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  (570): You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award? http://tfl.nu/wwxx
  Replies (9) Good night (974) Bad night (688)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.

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  (303): I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell. http://tfl.nu/angx
  Replies (1) Good night (905) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  By piano you mean.....

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Like literally a piano.

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.

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  (719): My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked. (505): By piano you mean..... (719): Like literally a piano. (505): Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/b7lv
  Replies (5) Good night (998) Bad night (420)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.

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  (480): This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help. http://tfl.nu/vra3
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (542)

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