Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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