There is no way he is gay with that hair.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED