so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?