I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
