Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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