What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
two words: eviction party
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
