You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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