i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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