i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
