I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
