his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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