Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
