i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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