you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's always time for handjobs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
