I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
