I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
