We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
try to milk me bitch
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