Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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