considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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