stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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