my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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