I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
